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The 2011 Autumn TV Cancellation Forecast

The networks have unveil their latest offerings. The majority of these new programs will fail. The only seeming guarantor for television success these days is to have NCIS in your title. Here is our totally biased guide to this season’s 25 new programs. They are rated from a worse chance of survival (first) to the better and best chances:

The Playboy Club (NBC, Monday 9/19, 10 p.m.)
The first of two ridiculously cheesy Mad Men rip-offs this fall, and by far the more ridiculous.
Man Up (ABC, Tuesday 10/18, 8:30 p.m.)
What’s the deal with all these women? This isn’t the only show bizarrely fixated on a perceived feminization of culture, but it’s certainly the worst.
Grimm (NBC, Friday 10/21, 9 p.m.)
Putting on a show about a modern-day fairy tale hunter raises the question: If a show is cancelled in a haunted forest, can anyone hear it?
Up All Night (NBC, Wednesday 9/14, 10 p.m.)
With this pricey cast it's hard to imagine the new NBC continuing the network's old guard sympathetic strategy of giving slow-starting sitcoms time to find their sea legs.
I Hate My Teenage Daughter (Fox, Wednesday 11/30, 9:30 p.m.)
Just when we thought that only men could be crammed into oafish, old-fashioned sitcoms Fox comes through with this female-fronted turkey.

Charlie’s Angels (ABC, Thursday 9/22, 8 p.m.)
Not much going for it other than Minka Kelly firing guns in skintight outfits and the potential audience for that is diminishing rapidly.
Suburgatory (ABC, Wednesday 9/28, 8:30 p.m.)
A classic family comedy tweener aimed at middle-America that does nothing but make fun of its potential audience.
Prime Suspect (NBC, Thursday 9/22, 10 p.m.)
A remake of the fiercely beloved edgy British cop show only with no swearing. What could possibly go wrong?
A Gifted Man (CBS, Friday 9/23, 8 p.m.)
It’s a show about a handsome doctor who sees ghosts. There is no chance that you will watch this. But there is a strong chance that your parents and other people you try to avoid will watch.
Free Agents (NBC, Wednesday 9/14, 10:30 p.m.)
Free Agents is a delightfully scripted remake of a very good British sitcom. We are rooting for it.
Whitney (NBC, Thursday 9/22, 9:30 p.m.)
NBC’s Thursday night comedies are highbrow pieces that are fiercely beloved by niche audiences. Whitney is none of these things. Dropping Whitney in this time slot is like relocating Howard Stern to NPR.

Revenge (ABC, Wednesday 9/21, 10 p.m.)
Imagine The Count of Monte Cristo set in Long Island. This highbrow suds from the ABC soap factory has definite hit potential.
Terra Nova (Fox, Monday 9/26, 8 p.m.)
Everything about this time-traveling adventure series is extra-large, including the expectations. For Terra Nova to succeed, it has to be a legit phenomenon.
Once Upon a Time (ABC, Sunday 10/23 8 p.m.)
The show about a small town in New England which is a magic mirror portal to a living, fairy tale universe makes absolutely no sense on paper.
Pan Am (ABC, Sunday 9/25, 10 p.m.)
Another Mad Men rip but remember: If Mad Men were on a network other than AMC, its low ratings would have gotten it yanked.
Hart of Dixie (CW, Monday 9/26, 9 p.m.)
In which Rachel Bilson takes her double-talk to a cornpone Southern fantasy land where good old docs leave their practices to untrained hotties. The producer has been down this alligator-infested road before.

Unforgettable (CBS, Tuesday 9/20. 10 p.m.)
It’s The Mentaladyist! Which is to say, it's getting renewed.
Person of Interest (CBS, Thursday 9/22, 9 p.m.)
Michael Emerson plays a mysterious power figure. And he’s empowering Jesus to take out future violent offenders with shotgun blasts.
Ringer (CW, Tuesday 9/13, 9 p.m.)
Sarah Michelle Gellar returns in twin roles; mysteriously troubled twins. The pilot promises plenty of twists and turns — the sort of scenario that could hook a devoted fan base and wildly alienate a large one.
How to Be a Gentleman (CBS, Thursday 9/29, 8:30 p.m.)
A predictable sitcom about meek dudes becoming mean dudes. This could run for the next decade whether you ever get around to watching it or not.

2 Broke Girls (CBS, Monday, 9/19, 9:30 p.m.)
This has a huge safety net in CBS’ Monday comedy block. A huge built-in fan base thanks to the hilarious Kat Dennings.
Allen Gregory (Fox, Sunday 10/30, 8:30 p.m.)
A cartoon on Fox and those tend to have a longer average lifespan than a redwood tree.
The New Girl (Fox, Tuesday 9/20, 9 p.m.)
This features Zooey Deschanel in nerd glasses and singing and flirting. It's what one half of the Internet was created for.
The Secret Circle (CW, Thursday 9/15, 9 p.m.)
This is a companion piece to The Vampire Diaries and about hot witches. A safer bet than government bonds.
Last Man Standing (ABC, Tuesday 10/11, 8 p.m.)
Marking the return of Tim Allen to a sitcom in which he complains about women.

Yadayadayada
http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/33722/your-fall-tv-cancellation-forecast